Resolutions Don't Work for Me
New Year Resolutions always felt a little superficial to me, more like a list I “should” make than a tool that actually helped me grow. Yet, I believe in the practice of pausing at the turn of the year and looking back. I usually find that I’ve met some of the goals I set—and, just as often, I’ve accomplished things I never planned for but that mattered just as much. How could I look forward in a way that didn't feel inauthentic?
Discovering a "Word of the Year"
A few years ago, a friend introduced me to the idea of choosing a “Word of the Year.” Instead of a list of resolutions. A single word to live into for the next twelve months.
My challenge: could I pick one word that would invite me to grow into an aspect of myself that really mattered? And would it stay with me longer than a week or two? With more than a million words in the English language, that felt like both a big challenge and an exciting possibility.
How I Chose My Word
The idea felt more substantive than resolutions, so I gave myself permission to treat it as a process rather than a one-time decision. Here’s how I approached it:
Brainstorm freely - I started by writing down any words that came to mind without judging them, evaluating them, or trying to make them “right.” I just let them flow.
Reflect on what matters now - Then I asked: What feels most important in the coming year? Family? Work? Friendships? Health? Creativity? My inner life?
Cross off what doesn’t fit - I crossed out words that didn't capture what’s important to me, didn't feel quite right, or simply didn't look or sound like a word I want to live with for a year.
Over time, a few words rose to the surface. Those are the ones I sit with, test in my mind and imagine carrying through the year.
Some Words That Carried Me
I have now been doing this for over a decade. Each year, the word I choose holds a story. Here are a few examples.
Beyond - The first year, my word was beyond. I needed to think beyond what I was doing at work and begin to imagine a larger path for my career. That word nudged me to look past my comfort zone and plan for what could be next.
Cultivate - One year, in the midst of a family crisis, my word was cultivate. For me, that meant learning to grow under conditions I could control, instead of living only in reaction to conditions set by others.
Courage - The following year I chose courage. When I chose it, courage meant two things:
Growing under conditions I could not control
Being strong in the face of pain or grief
Around that time I discovered a simple quote attributed to Lao Tzu:
“From caring comes courage.”
That line stayed with me. I cared deeply—about my family, friends, co-workers, and many of my acquaintances. I wondered, could that caring really bring me courage?
Later that year when a second family crisis hit, I believe it did. The word courage became more than an idea; it became a way to keep standing and loving in the middle of fear.
Working With the Word
Once I choose a word, I spend time exploring it from different angles. I ask myself:
What would embodying this word look and sound like in my daily life?
Where in my life am I being invited to be more [fill in the blank with the word]?
What triggers tend to move me away from this word?
I also reflect on the attributes of the word:
Feeling nervous and choosing to act anyway
Persevering in the face of adversity
Expanding my horizons and letting go of the familiar
Finally, I make a short list of “must do’s” for the year that connect directly to the word. In this way it stays practical, not just poetic.
An Invitation
What is truly important for you in the year ahead? Instead of (or alongside) traditional resolutions, what single word might you choose to shape how you show up to your own life?
We have two companions for our lifetime: Death and Destiny. Death asks every day: Are you using the gift of life well? Destiny asks every day: Are you doing what you were called here to do? - Robin Sharma
What word might help you answer those questions with more honesty, courage, and compassion this year?
If you want to try, here are a few tips...
Set aside 15–20 quiet minutes
Grab a notebook or document and give yourself permission to reflect without rushing.
Brainstorm words without judgment
Write down any words that attract you—values, qualities, feelings, or ways of being.
Ask what matters most this year
Consider key areas of life (family, work, health, recovery, creativity, spirituality) and what you most need in each.
Narrow to one word that resonates
Cross off words that feel “should-y” or flat. Say each remaining word out loud and notice which one feels alive.
Keep your word visible and lived
Put it where you’ll see it daily (journal, phone background, mirror) and revisit it when you make choices throughout the year.
Happy New Year!
