Reframing Relationship Conflict: Striving for Productive Conflict

Photo by John Schnobrich on Unsplash

What makes talking about differences in opinion as it relates to the science so easy? And talking about challenges in relationships and team dynamics so difficult?

Researchers in most fields are trained to talk about what they are doing and the processes they use. They are also typically exposed to environment where people challenge each other, question and assure rigor, and verify reproducibility. Discussions often require people to work through conflicting thoughts and perspectives productively so that they can arrive at shared agreements about how to move forward. These conversations can be rewarding, fun, stimulating, and it is not unusual to hear how they have sparked new ideas or directions.

It helps that there is something concrete to focus on – sometimes referred to as the task. Having a project to look at can serve as a surrogate for staying focused on the idea, and not on the person. Very generally, topics can include things like methodological approaches, data collection and usage, observations, interpretations, conclusions, next steps. These engagements and the beneficial results are often described as productive conflict.

Now, what if we could re-frame relationship conflict and invite people to think about it as if we were talking about it in the same way? What would this even look like?

Productive Conflict, at its core, is focused on learning as much as you can from all the people involved, whether just one other person or a full team. Engaging in inquiry is an essential part of advancing and enhancing the science as well as the relationships and the team dynamics. And in teams, enhancing the latter will have a positive impact on the research. As J. Richard Hackman wrote of teams that are heterogenous in make-up “…interpersonal conflict is definitely not a boon to performance. But if members make it through their early difficulties, they are likely to come up with products that are significantly more creative than those generated by more homogenous teams whose interactions are smoother from start to finish.”

The table below illustrates how to shift the way we think of relationship conflict. Whatever the issue at hand, whether a small growing tension or something that has turned more frustrating and you are ready to burst, thinking about the positive potential of engaging in the conflict productively can be the first step in addressing the situation in a way that can build, not dismantle, working relationships and in turn contribute to increased productivity in your collaboration.

Like anything, trying to shift how you are thinking about something takes time. And turning that thinking into practice, well, takes practice. Start small. That is, start with something that might be a minor irritation and get some practice. You can also ask for feedback about how that was for the other person. With time you can begin working your way up to larger issues and challenges. Such that when you take something on that you are passionate about and more difficult to discuss, you will have created some confidence and comfort in doing so.

In my next blog I’ll address the Anatomy of a Difficult conversation. In other words, how exactly do you have a difficult conversation?